Life in Austin

Wife: (poke)
Wife: (Poke)
Wife: (POke)
Me: Grrrrr.
Wife: POKE
Me: (Stand)
Wife: Yeah?!?
Me: Put on the suit
This recent exchange explains why all arguments in our household usually end up in laughter.

I learned a lot from moving all of our stuff to Austin. For example, I learned if I ever have to move again it had better be to a cemetery.

Next time somebody recommends “Hiking” as an activity, remind them that Hiking is just Walking where it’s ok to pee.

laughterkey:

mogarisreadytoblog:

mrcaseythegreat:

miss-mcguiness:

imleigh:

“DONT BOTHER COMING HOME”

“GONNA SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE.”

"I ACCIDENTALLY HAD SEX WITH IT."

"NOW WE’RE IN LOVE"

I will never not love dog texts.

Fun fact: If you read the dog’s voice in your head as Mantzoukas, it gets even funnier.

(Source: iraffiruse, via wilwheaton)

Young People: if you ever hear someone say that they are going to “take him/her behind the woodshed” in the future and you don’t understand what that phrase means, just remember this Superbowl game to understand what that phrase means when used in context:

The Seahawks took the Broncos behind the woodshed in the Superbowl. 

TIL: Scrappy-Doo is a Dobihuahua. 

Superbowl XLVIII Thoughts

Here is a recap of the Kearse touchdown: Whiff. Whiff. Whiff. Whiff. Whiff. Touchdown.

The Broncos are really sucking. Where is Bobby Boucher when you need him?

I haven’t seen a beating like this since Bugs Bunny took on the Gas House Gorillas. 

and finally, I can explain everything going on in this game - The Seahawks clearly switched all the Sativa in the Broncos secret stash for Indica

Now THAT’S how to do a SuperBowl 1/2 time show.

I think this young lad is going places… and the old guys don’t suck either!

Today: Taught myself and mastered how to create pivot tables in SQL. Tomorrow: World Domination.

a-heart-of-calcifer:

ehlnofey:

When Ken Morrish picked this apple off a tree in his garden, he thought a prankster had painted half of it red.
But after inspecting it closely he realised that the remarkable split colours on the fruit were a natural phenomenon. And the bizarre apple turned Mr Morrish into something of a celebrity in his village with scores of neighbours queuing up to take a photograph of it.
Experts say that the odds of finding an apple with such a perfect line between the green and the red are more than 1million to one. [source]

My Biology major boyfriend got a scholarship for excellence in Botany as well as a scholarship for excellence in Biology and Zoology
I asked him if this his possible and all he said was “I don’t know, plants are fucking weird”

a-heart-of-calcifer:

ehlnofey:

When Ken Morrish picked this apple off a tree in his garden, he thought a prankster had painted half of it red.

But after inspecting it closely he realised that the remarkable split colours on the fruit were a natural phenomenon. And the bizarre apple turned Mr Morrish into something of a celebrity in his village with scores of neighbours queuing up to take a photograph of it.

Experts say that the odds of finding an apple with such a perfect line between the green and the red are more than 1million to one. [source]

My Biology major boyfriend got a scholarship for excellence in Botany as well as a scholarship for excellence in Biology and Zoology

I asked him if this his possible and all he said was “I don’t know, plants are fucking weird”

(via sarcastic-snowflake)